stressed....yet again

So I'm not a huge fan of making new year's resolutions or anything like that. But seeing as how this year 2009 was incredibly sucky from beginning to end I think that if I have some goals maybe I will keep myself in track to a better life. Because everything is really going to shit. I'm on a boat that has a hole and water is seeping through. at least that's what it seems like, it's like every time i see a small problem and try to tackle it more come and they are all rushing in progressively faster than the last. It is so hard to catch my breath so hard to stay on my feet. But no more. It is time to get what i want out of life. (i feel like i keep saying that. I'm just hoping this time it really happens).

Fearlessly

Making Decisions

By Stacy B., Warrensburg, NY

I can’t ever make up my mind
The best answer I can’t ever find
My mom and dad yell “You have to decide”
If only they were in my brain along for the ride

People don’t realize just how hard it can get
To not disappoint without feeling regret
It seems easier to have someone pick for me
But I guess that just weakens my decision making ability

I also wish someone would help me to choose
Give me some advice that I could use
Get me to get over this problem of mine
Help me to realize all I need is time

But it seems like I need to get over it right now
Just practice and try even though I don’t know how
I could really face some problems in the years to come
With this problem of mine that may seem quite dumb

I’m worried I will have to face a major consequence
For when I’m faced with the decision and I reply “I’m on the fence”
Just toughen up and buckle down
Because the best choice I know can be found

I’ll be cured before you know it
But right now I’m not faking
I protest everything that goes along,
With decision making

giving up.

Currently Runaway Train By Soul Asylum

It is so easy to give up. but I can't. Fact of the matter is giving up is not an option. The Bible tell us 2 Chronicles 15:7 "But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded." and even those who are of no religious affiliation cannot deny that those who keep at it persevere. You hear it all the time from everyone around you they say things like "don't give up" and "be storng" but then why are we so quick to lose hope when we have to travel up a rocky hill.??

I told myself at the beginning of the year that I would do everything in my power to gain peace in my heart and mind. with only three weeks to the end of the year I realize that I haven't found that peace, I'm just as troubled and stressed if not more than last year and while evaluating the steps that I've taken to find this peace I realize that I haven't done too good at keeping true to that promise.  So tonight I find myself telling a friend and telling myself do not give up because the end is no where near, and the only way to get to where you want to go is by taking that first step and continue to move forward without ever looking back.

silently

Currently It's Not My Time

I don't feel anything, I'm numb. no, wait that's not entirely true. I can feel a hole in the center of my stomach, like the black holes you hear about in your science class over and over, every year and as if 5 years wasn't enough you hear about it again in high school. I also feel my heart throbbing in my chest hoping to be ripped out. Free itself from my chest just to run away from the pain. This excruciating pain that doesn't seem to mind that my heart is growing weak day after day. and the muted, silent shouts that echo inside my body and make me fold my knees into my chest. I open my mouth and it still doesn't escape, not one tear. not even one WTF is going on. It would make it so much easier to cry but my eyes seem immune to my pain and then I think maybe more pain maybe it will help. Or maybe if I bleed so i take this knife to my wrist but I don't have the balls to push it hard enough and let it penetrate my body. maybe a walk a walk in the middle of the street. If only I was lucky enough to have a car hit me and send me flying hundreds of feet in the air, then maybe then I will be freed of this pain. but of course the situation is too perfect, there is rain in the ground and it is dark out but not one car, 20 mins...half an hour. I'm getting bored and it's finally setting in that this is a stupid idea. So I walk back to my apartment. turn the lights off and shut my eyes.

QUOTES!

there are some people in life that make you laugh a little harder, smile a little bigger, live a lot better, and just love a lot more. (:

you cant change who people are without destroying who they were.

you're only as good as the love you have for other people.

so i'll walk the plank & jump w/ a smile if i'm going down, i'll do it in style. you'll never hear me surrender,

music speaks what cannot be expressed. soothes the mind and gives it rest. heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul.

so, the heart is said to be the strongest muscle in the human body. then, can somebody tell me, why it breaks so easily?

don't worry about your reputation; worry about your character. see, your reputation is what people think you are. your character is what you really are.

we come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfectly person perfect.

i will disappoint you. i am everything i say i'm not, i'm nothing i say i am, and i am everything i wish i wasnt.

i wish you were here. but your not here. you're there. and 'there' doesn't know how lucky it is.

You have three choices in life. you can give in, give up, or give it your all.

hold on baby, you're losing it. the water's high and your jumping into it and letting go... and no one knows that you cry, but you don't tell anyone that you might be the golden one and you're together with a smile; but you're coming Undone.

sometimes, they don't hate you until your back is turned. sometimes, they don't love you until your dead.

whoever says they are perfect, is the most flawed of us all.

new york's the spot, let's stay up all night, not say a word. let our eyes do the talking, we're meant to be, let's just run away.<3

i've never told a lie, and that makes me a liar. i've never made a bet, but we gamble with desire; i've never lit a match with intent to start a fire, but recently the flames are getting out of control.

Nobody said it would be easy. they said it would be worth it.

Before you say you hate someone, think: if they died, would you care?

i can keep a secret if you can keep me guessing the taste of your lips is enough to keep me pressing.

its been a long year. the hardest year of my life. i've shed some tears, but you've never seen me cry.

it breaks your heart when people you know become the people you knew. when you can walk right past someone as if they were never a huge part of your life. you used to be able to talk for hours on end, and now you cant even look each other in the eye. it completely breaks your heart to know good things change, and you can't do anything about it.

[[what]] i need to live is given to me by EARTH. [why] i need to live is given to me by YOU.

getting an abortion doesn't make you 'unpregnant'. it just makes you the mother of a (dead) baby.

when i was in grade school, they told me to write down what i wanted to be when i grew up. i wrote down 'happy.' they told me i didn't understand the assignment; i told them they didn't understand life.

isn't it funny, how day-by-day: nothing changes. But whenever you look back, everything's different?

choose your words wisely. put your brain in gear before you put your mouth in motion.

i'd rather be known for what i did, than be known for who i did.

too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want; to impress people they don't like.

&& baby, if he's dumb enough to let you go, i hope you're smart enough to Walk away.

i'm probably in the sky;
flying with the fishes; or in the ocean, swimming with the pidgeons; SEE, my world is different.

welcome to a world, where being yourself just isn't enough.

i'm a mess; and usually my room is, too. my clothes are a little too TIGHT, && at times i show a little too much skin, i obsess over boy and get hurt too easily.. i'm your average, unordinary, teenage girl<3.

your heart is a river that flows from your chest through every organ. your brain is the dam, and i am the fish who can't reach the cord.

love is not what makes the world go round. love is what makes the ride worthwhile<3.

Although we adore men individually, we agree that, as a group, they are rather stupid.

if you don't know how to fall, then you'll never learn to fly<333.

i'm not afraid of falling; it's just a sign that i've climbed too high.

The only things that stand between a person and what they want in life are the will to try it, and the faith to believe it is possible.

sometimes, all it takes is
another chance to get things right.

isnt it ironic? how we adore the people who ignore us, and ignore those who adore us? love those who hurt us, and hurt those that love us.

Giving up doesnt mean your weak;
sometimes, it just means your strong enough to let things go.

I always knew that looking back at the tears would make me laugh, but i never knew looking back at the laughs would make me cry.

If you really want her
tell her;; because she can wait
but she cant wait forever.

let's commit the perfect crime;
i'll steal your heart, you steal mine.

take nothing but pictures;
Leave nothing but footprints.

I want someone to fall in love with
the way I laugh and fall in love with
my smile. I want someone to listen
to the ramblings of my inner child.
Someone who touches my face and
brushes the hair from my eyes.
I want someone who loves me or
at least holds me like they do.
But I only want that if its you.

When I'm older & my little girl
Asks me who my first love was..
I don't want to have to pull out an
Old photo album.. I want to be able to Point across the room and say
"He's sitting right over there."

Holding onto broken hearts
memories are what's left of us
you're trying too hard to be my friend
& i'm placing all our pictures in
these broken frames to remind
me never to fall in love again.

Don't give up on love because there is
always someone who loves you, even if it's not the person you were hoping for.

We're all a little weird. And life's a little
weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up in mutual weirdness and call it love.

So let's drink to the truth. Let's speak through drunken minds & say how much we truly love each other & tomorrow, we can go back to pretending that we hate each other.

No matter how many times he hurts me, I will always forgive him.
Some may call it stupid. I call it love.

whoever says they are perfect,
is the most flawed of us all.

just things...a bunch of things.

Currently Breaking It Up By Lykke Li

   Today has been a particularly different day. I woke up and was soon extremely happy when I realized that I have lost more weight, I boiled some water and made myself green tea. showered, did my hair and make up and laid out the clothes I'd wear for work later on. I spoke to Rosy for a while who I have again neglected, since it has been a week since i spoke to her (i<3 u) and was just hanging out until the time to leave for work came.
I got a call back from this cc company that I had left a message for regarding a claim and they denied my complaint and told me I had to pay off my balance immediately WTF???!!! i of course do not have the means to do that so I made a down payment and set up a payment plan to pay it off in six feasible payments since I wouldn't be receiving statements because they closed my account. I was taken so off guard that I just agreed to everything and just said fcuk it. cc companies made a whole mess out of my mom's credit which was absolutely great so I didn't want to put up a fight and be dragged into a big mess like her, having to call all these numbers and what not. but still I was annoyed.

When something happens to anger me or upset me i usually get over it in a couple of minutes and  go on with my day, but being that the holidays are coming and i will have to travel home and buy gifts and spend so much money, it kind of put me in a weird mood. I was all of the sudden really upset and then everything that is not right in my life right now came to mind and got me even more upset. Now, I'm not used to being upset like this (it happens very seldom) and the rest of my night was kind of like that, one of my friends got me talking about my current situation with my boyfriend ex boyfriend and that ofcourse made me feel even worse. I am not sad but i am unhappy. I am not angry but I am disappointed. I am not hopeless but I am worried. and worse of all I am very lonely and not to mention confused.

one thing that does make me happy is cleaning with the music on, because I dont have to think just focus on getting everything clean. I cleaned the apartment on wednesday but my room is still full of clean clothes waiting to be folded and refolded neatly...so I will go do this now because I know it will help me clear my head.

How far would you go for love?

 

I first became completely obsessed with Cartier's love bracelet (below) after seeing it on an episode of CSI:NY and researching it. Typically the way that it works is that it can only be taken off if unscrewed and the man who gives you such bracelet would keep the "key" or screw that comes with the bracelet as a symbolic gesture meaning commitment and a promise. They can choose to wear it around their neck. The whole idea is pretty old love like and romantic, althought there are many feminists out there who refuse to accept this as a declaration of love but rather as a sign of ownership (bet none of those women have ever falling in love anyways).

"The original provocative bracelet
-created in the 1970's- which could
only be opened with a tiny
screwdriver. It soon became a piece
of cult jewellery for modern day

Lovers." (cartier's site)

So the pros: its a great gesture because what woman doesn't love jewelry, or cartier for that fact; especially with a meaning like that. You can custumize it to fit your personal style. the con: it's over $3,000.00.

enough said....but it is cartier

Their slogan for the new LOVE campaign is "How far would you go for love?"
My answer: very but if a guy is spending $3gs on jewelry it better be a diamond ring. :)

What is the most inspiring book you've ever read?

Absolutely and without a doubt I know this much is true ~ Wally Lamb. This book thought me that by coping with all the failure and loss in life you can overcome all that is rotten and find something that works, and something that's worth moving forward for.

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

Finding "I"

Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking soul searching about where I wanted Xanga to take me. Well not really Xanga but this blog. I've kept a journal since the time I turned 10 years old and my mother bought me a beautiful lilac diaries. She thought that since I read so much, I would probably enjoy writing just as much- and she was right. For years I wrote in these pages my daily activities, my dreams, goals and expectations. I never really wrote down my secrets because let's face it, those standard locks they put on diaries are not exactly mom proof, and although I never caught her I couldn't risk being too careful.

 

About the time that I entered High School I discovered the large collection of Journals sold at Barnes and Noble and since those four years were anything but uneventful I went through a myriad of these journals--needless to say my obssesion continued through out college too. Thus when I was unable to write in my journal for lack of words I felt lost and like I needed a way to channel my thoughts through writing. Today I reached a realization and this is it: I needed a change, for the last year I have felt uninspired and bland.

I've been rethinking my life and I feel somewhat unsatisfied with things. At some point I thought "Here I go again doing what I do best and changing my mind about things and not commiting to anything long enough to actually see the results"IT'S TIME TO CHANGE THAT !!

Mix things up and live a little LOT. So now that I've decided I need a change of pace, the next thing I am going to do is get my affairs in order. I now understand that change is developmental, transitional and transformational. Change doesnt happen overnight and it is important to have my goals clear in my mind in order to achieve them, no matter what life throws at me.

No matter where we are in our lives, it's never too late to re-invent ourselves and move foward with what we want our lives to be like. Don't allow yourself to get stuck in a life that you're not happy in. It is never too late to make a difference in your life. If you're unhappy DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. and that's why I will keep telling myself.

"Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is nonexistent. And don’t bother concealing your thievery—celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: “It’s not where you take things from—it’s where you take them to.”~ Jim Jarmusch

Cause work is so GODDAMN boring!!!!!

How old were you when you had your first relationship? 

Real relationship I'd have to say Eric (first bf Ramon)

Are you taken/single?  taken

  How old were you when you had your first kiss?  ha ha seven
  What color is your underwear?  black mesh
  Do you like anyone right now?  yeah, I suppose
  Ever had your heartbroken?  yup
  Miss anyone right now?  yeah
Who was the last person you sent a text to?  Eric
Last person to text you?  Eric
Last person you saw? Kate and Tess
What was the last thing you said to someone? 
to Kate: If it was something private I wouldnt be doing it here
  Who is top in your top friends?  All of u
Why?  cuz I love you
Who do you trust the most in your life?  me, myself & I
Who do you love most?  my brother
Ever been in love?  yup
Who has hurt you the most?  Eric
Has a tragedy ever happened in your life?  no
Are you happy?  yes
How many good friends do you have?  Five
Are there some songs you cant listen to because they remind you of someone?  yes, por amar a ciegas
Have you ever cheated on a partner?  no
Ever been cheated on?  not to my knowledge
Ever been told someone loved you?  yes
Ever told someone you loved them and meant it?  yes
Not meant it?  yes
Ever had your heart broken?  yes
Are you happy with where you are relationship-wise now?  yes
  What is your idea of true love?
true love... it's when you love someone beyond your control.and they love you back just the same.
When they slip, do you think you can let go the small stuff?  I have
Do you believe in love at first sight?  no
Why or why not?
I think loving someone requires you to truly know a pperson for who they are. and you can't do that at first sight.
Do you believe that it is best to have a friendship first then love? 
yes, but often times that leads to no friendship after love.
  o you believe that love can be found in bars or is that too much of a risk? 
It can be because regular ppl go to bars so why not.
Should people go to bars to find love?  no. go to bars to drink.
Or should they go to places where people who like what they like hang out? I suppose so. that would make more sense and seems like it's more likely to work 
  Should men and women be expecting the other to buy the other gifts?  yes. i do lol
Who should wear the pants in the relationship or should it be a mutual give and take? 
mutual give and take but I am a little old fashioned and like for guys to step up and be in charge.
  Should chauvinists of either gender be in a relationship? 
They can be ofcourse but I doubt that relationship would be successful.

monday mornings are NOT my fortè

two bars, one fresh boy, and a long train ride home later my night definitely turned out far more exciting then where it seemed to be heading at around 8pm.

NYC in the mornig however, is a different story. As I headed out of my house this morning to begin a not so excitig journey back to CT, I was met by noisy streets and a crowd of overly energetic children on their way to school. A few minutes later I found myself in a train car filled to maximum capacity with caffine ridden New Yorkers who did not hesitate to dig their elbows with malice into my ribs when trying to squeeze their asses into seats next to me.

I am always amazed at how quickly this dear city of mine changes during rush hour. I wish everyone would just take some zanex and relax but where would the fun be in that???

Anyways, I am going to bask in the enjoyment of traveling in an unusually spacious bus ride. seems like a well earned reward after such an eventful weekend.

 

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

and my night keeps getting better…

so after three drinks i pay my tab…under $20 thats what i like. i walk to 23rd to meet one of my BFFs ROSY :) yay!! we are going to another bar. lets see what happens now.

xoxo,
ego

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

our best self

sometimes we lose focus of the importance of ourselves. we spend our entire lives learning how to satisfy others. our parents our teachers our friends and boyfriends then the husbands and kids and lets not forget our bosses. but sometimes its good to get back to simply satisfyig ourselves.

my plans changed a bit today and i found myself dress and made up with nowhere to go. i have an iphone full of contacts and yet i have neglected so many of my friends that i found myself in the end alone and again with no where to go.

but thank god im in NYC so i decided to let my metrocard take me to 42nd street. then with the help of my savvy iphone i found Zumi this great little jazz bar in 43rd and 9th. the home to an energetic and lively bartender who makes delicious captain and cokes and so my night worked out great after all…

its good to be out with my best self tonight. dressed up, gorgeous, adventurous, and thank god blissfully happy.

xoxo,
ego

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

just for you.....

Self importance

I have found myself very concerned when trying to make decisions with what others (my family, friends, and society alike) might think or how it might affect others. It is a very tiring process to factor in other's feelings and opinions into even minor things like making plans that might exclude some friends, or not answering a call because quite frankly i'd rather just not listen to a person go on and on about something i really just don't care about.

I tried to explain these thoughts to one of my friends who is often criticized for her way of living which includes not caring about anything but pleasing herself and her answer was this... in the end you have noone to answer to but yourself, so do what feels right and fcuk the rest. - but it seems as if everytime I do that, I am not left with satisfaction, instead just a feeling of guilt that seems to consume my everythought until I do something that makes me feel like I have made up for my previous actions. It just seems like I try to satisfy all and end up satisfying none, least of all myself.

WOMEN DRIVERS...MERR BORED@WORK

Okay so just for the hell of it I googled women drivers and looked under images. some of these are really funny.














Women Drivers

Do they realize the relation of Engine Lubrication to both Petty and Serious Driving Problems?

MORE AND MORE men drivers are realizing the importance of using the correct oil in their cars. To their wives who drive the cars during the week, the importance of scientific lubrication is even greater.

Driving problems, bothersome enough for men drivers, become more serious when a woman is at the wheel.

Among the driving problems which bother women, perhaps the most important are these: 1—Engine is difficult to start. 2—Gears have to be shifted on hills and in traffic. 3—Engine missing because of fouled spark plugs.

Engine difficult to start

Women drivers use cars largely for short trips. Often the car stands idle outside for several hours. While standing it cools off. Starting a cold engine is always more difficult than starting a warm one. But this difficulty of starting is increased by a low quality of wrong-bodied oil which throws an additional strain on the batteries.

The correct grade of Gargoyle Mobiloils often surprises motorists by the easier starting which results. This is because the oil is both of the highest quality and of a scientifically correct body. If the Chart specifies a different grade of oil for your car in winter, be sure to use this grade.

Frequent gear shifting

With incorrect lubrication the engine overheats. The valves become sticky. The spark plugs foul. This results in irregular action of the engine, lessening its power. As a result the engine loses its flexibility to a marked degree. Hills formerly taken on high gear must now be traveled in lower gear. Lower gear has to be used too much in traffic. Trouble of this kind is directly traceable to incorrect lubrication, and can be avoided when the motorist follows the Chart on the right.

Spark plugs foul

Engine messing is quite often caused by a fouled spark plug. Removing and cleaning a spark plug is simple enough to a man, but it is a nasty, troublesome job for a woman. Frequent fouling of spark plugs is usually due to incorrect lubrication. With the correct grade of Gargoyle Mobiloils women drivers will experience a freedom from this kind of trouble.

Other operating troubles frequently encountered are — water boiling in the radiator, due to overheating of the engine; excessive smoking at the exhaust; and other annoyances, all of which are usually traceable to faulty lubrication.

OF one thing you may be sure. you use the grade of Gargoyle Mobiloils specified in the Chart, you are getting maximum freedom from the troubles discussed here. This is a recognized fact in scientific circles and among the more experienced automobile manufacturers, dealers and motorists the world over.

If your car is not listed on the partial Chart to the right send for our booklet “Correct Automobile Lubrication,” which contains the complete Chart. Or
consult the complete Chan at your dealer’s. Be careful to notice what grade of Gargoyle Mobiloils is specified for winter use in your car. In writing, please address our nearest branch.

Mobiloils
A grade for each type of motor

Domestic: New York Philadelphia Detroit Minneapolis Kansas City, Kan.

Branches: Boston Pittsburgh Chicago Indianapolis Des Moines

VACUUM OIL COMPANY

NEW YORK. USA.

hmmm

GOSSIP

  

What does the Bible say about gossiping?

"Remember gossip is as sinful as murder and will suffer the same consequences unless there is repentance (Romans 1:32). Remember God holds you accountable to your words (Matthew 12:36-37). Gossip & slander disqualifies persons for spiritual leadership (1 Timothy 3:11, James 3:2). The person who gossips to you about others, also gossips to others about you. Gossip often masks as pretentious concerns for others. Gossip always distorts and exaggerates, and is never a reliable source of truth. Those who gossip and slander are not in right fellowship with God (Romans 1:28-32). Those who gossip rarely get answers to prayer, and often face persistent, unexplainable problems (Psalms 66:18, Proverbs. 21:23, Proverbs. 6:12-15)." source
I've been thinking a lot about gossip lately. I feel like maybe i do my share amount of gossiping without really realizing it sometimes and I feel horrible. I havent told any secret that were confided in me so I dont feel bad on that note but I feel like maybe there's just too much gossip all around me. it's making me not want to bump in to anyone or see anyone at all. ANY TIPS ON HOW TO AVOID DRAMA???? please HELP!!!

The traveler's wife...

Currently El Fenomeno By Arcangel POR AMAR A CIEGAS

Traveler's wife by Audrey Niffenegger

It is a great novel, I am sad to have finished it because it captivates you in such a way that you wish for Henry and Clare to be real people, people who you could perhaps call your friends and help in some way. Help them deal with their problems and help them say the right thing, anything just to be part of their magical love story. The novel is not a Romance novel although it is a story about love, relationships, friendships and waiting and fighting hard to stick together above all the things that may come in your way.

You see their relationship transform and their roles change depending on the situation at hand, they learn from each other and when they are together time ceases to be, it shows how insignificant time is when it is spent wisely surrounded by your friends and loved one. It makes you believe throughout the entire novel in the solidarity of love and of two people sharing that love. Dedicated to one another because living along that person, trying to make that person happy makes life that much worth it.

It was good while it lasted and it almost fools you into believing that the world truly is that way. But don't be silly... it's just a more realistic fairy tale.

I am excited however about the movie. I think it is too late to watch it in theatre but I will be sure to get the DVD as soon as it is out, if just for one hour I will be witness of real love.

anyhow I definitely recommend anyone who is thinking about reading it to do so.

Doing what I can to make this job fun 8P

 I feel so sastified tonight, and maybe I shouldn't because I definitely ruined someone's week. Well more like 3 people. But if they hadn't given me shit when I told them that they couldn't come in to the place where I work at without proper validation sticker and then snuck in through the athletes door I wouldn't have been so angry. Then I took it step further by calling the campus police when they refused to leave and thought it was cute to curse me out.  now they have to go to student court and do 2 weeks of community service which is usually what they have them do. --- and all because they disrespected me. :) sweet victory.

Okay fine... it was nothing like the picture above but it still made my night a lot funner and entertaining. You see today I had to come in for a 3 hour shift which is so annoying since it does take me an hour plus by publice transportation. so if I am going to come in for that I sure as hell don't need to get shit from a silver spoon baby who thinks it is inconvenient to follow procedures. or maybe i just did it for fun ha ha who cares!!!

What am I doing? I try so hard to snap my fingers and have this feeling go away.
Why am I crying? there is no reason to it, nothing happened or perhaps so much keeps happening that I cannot pin point exactly what it is that is going on in my life. There is so much back and forth Im tired of it.
Im making progress, I should be happy. but it doesnt feel like it, I look around and all I see is me, alone as alway fighting my own battles without anyone by my side. It doesnt seem like things are going to change no matter what I do or try to do. I try what I think is my hardest---always I end up disappointed because my efforts arent gratified.

This is so much bullshit

are women the root of all problems??

Of course not, where would men be without us.

I did find this funny though,

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF

  "To deny, to believe, and to doubt absolutely -- this is for man what running is for a horse."

 ~Blaise Pascal

Nothing in life is certain but the fact that we will all die one day. So many people spend so much of their time trying to search for a sign of what to do with their lives, or going to so call psychics that can reveal their future. so I am going to do this for free: some days will be good, some days will be espectacular and you will feel like the luckiest person alive. Other days things will feel like they are falling apart and there is nothing you can do to get yourself our of that rut, but you will. Because in life everyday is a new beginning and life is what you make of it. But one thing is for sure and that is that yesterday is gone, today is passing by, and tomorrow is not a garantee so live your life as much as you can and ensure that every decision you make is entirely your own.

the love of my life

"At this moment there are 6,470818,671 people in the world, some are running scared, some are coming home, some tell lies to make it through the day, others are just not facing the truth, some are evil men at war with good, and some are good struggling with evil, sixs billion people in the world, six billion souls, and sometimes, all you need is one" (OTH)



Some times you have to do what needs to be done in order to do what you want to do, and thats what I have decided to do, I just hope I don't lose the one person that this is all worth doing for in the process. I do have faith in us and this will only be temporary distance. I can't wait for the day where going home means that I will be rushing to your arms.
XOXO Te Quiero Babe

In the words of Kayla Neil "I believe you will lose if you sit and wonder....And nothing cures better

I Believe

I believe that the sun shines after the rain
I believe if you don't get hurt you'll never gain
I believe in not doing things the easy way
I believe that being selfish doesn’t pay

I believe in a second chance
I believe in a life long romance
I believe there is life after death
And standing up to a life of mess

I believe in love at first sight
I believe that revenge isn’t right
I believe that first impressions last
And there is nothing better then a good laugh

I believe that dreams do come true
I believe there's destiny for me and you
I believe that good things come to those who wait
I believe love never arrives too late

I believe something good comes from something bad
I believe that for tears of happiness there are tears of sad
I believe everyone has a guardian angel
And the good you do will be rewarded well

I believe sometimes there is no explanation
I believe money can't buy people's affection
I believe you don't know what you've got until it's gone
I believe a new day arrives with every dawn

I believe a smile can be contagious
I believe in being very outrageous
I believe in living with no regrets
I believe that life is as good as it gets

I believe that God watches over us
I believe the little things are worth the fuss
I believe you have each friend for a reason
I believe you will get punished for treason

I believe that what comes first is family
I believe we should all live in harmony
I believe in making the most of a beautiful day
And it's not the end until everything's okay

I believe absence makes the heart grow fonder
I believe you will lose if you sit and wonder
I believe every experience teaches you a lesson
And nothing cures better then a drinking session

I believe everyone has one true love
I believe sometimes we need a little shove
I believe the whole world is a stage
I believe we only get better with age

I believe that to learn you have to live
I believe that to love someone you have to give
I believe one moment can change your life
And there's still help when you’re in strife

I believe everyone has one true friend
I believe love helps a broken heart mend
I believe in the power of a song
And things will change before too long

I believe living is the best experience
I believe in not laughing at other people’s expense
I believe it’s hard to watch a lover leave
And when they’re gone all you can do is breath

I believe to always look on the bright side
I believe that life is just one big ride
I believe when I die people will grieve
But it’s ok because I believe

Kayla Neil

In times like these where so much seems to go wrong without any logical explanation and it's easier to complain about what we don't have, we often forget to be greatful for what we do have.

I've never been what so many would characterize as religious. Like many others in my generation I was brought up in a God fearing home. My mother is a firm believer and avid church goer, not just on Sunday mornings but throughout the week where she participates in various minestries. That's never been me and I can't say it will ever be. However I do believe in something glorious and manificant, I respect all those who believe in a greater force too because no matter what you call it, that force and that believe or rather faith gives you the will to keep on living besides what ever adversities may come up in your lives.

Today I woke up determined to get out of this rut that I find myself in. For a while now I have found myself in this cycle where I feel fine one day and the next I don't even want to get out of bed because I fear facing my troubles.

I hope this feeling of strength continues. I used to pray for some kind of hope to go on or a sign to tell me that everything will change for the better so I should hang in there. But if my life itself isn't enough to keep on with the struggle then nothig else will be.

For those that are looking for a sign or waiting for an external influence in your life I have only one thing to say to you, and that's is to pick yourself up think of how you want to your life to change and do it. You have to start somewhere so pick a small task and focus on it. Also find strength in your family and friends. They are not only there for laughs and giggles, instead true friends are there when you're feeling like me, in a rut and just need someone to listen and help you through it.

Watchig the news these last couple of days I have seen some truly inspirational stories of people who live in circumstances that I frankly doubt I have the strength for. So while I have my health, my family and wonderful people around me, I will not allow financial difficulties to ruin my charisma and my heart. ( if you're reading I know that you told me this a couple of weeks ago but t took sometime to make sense. Thank you)

To all my friends: thank you for being there for me, for being faithful and understanding even when it's hard. I love you =)
Mobile Blogging from here.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

THE LIFE OF THE AVERAGE AMERICAN COLLEGE STUDENT AND GRADUATES...

     i REMEMBER IT WAS JUNE OF 2005 AND i CAME TO THE UNIVERSITY OF HARTFORD FOR MY ORIENTATION. THE GUEST SPEAKER ADVICED US TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE TIME WE HAD AHEAD OF US TO EXPLORE OURSELVES, MAKE MISTAKES, AND HAVE FUN BECAUSE WE WOULD ALWAYS REMEMBER THOSE YEARS AS "THE BEST 4 YEARS OF OUR LIVES"... WHILE AT THE TIME i DISAGREED WITH HER, i FIND MYSELF UNDERSTANDING WHAT SHE MEANT MORE AND MORE AS i REALIZE THAT i HAVENT YET FOUND A JOB, MY BILLS ARE OVERDUE AND i WILL SOON HAVE TO BEGIN MAKING STUDENT LOAN PAYMENTS.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THAT i DO NOT HAVE A PLAN, THIS IS NOT JUST MY SUMMER VACATION BECAUSE i WILL NOT BE RETURNING TO SCHOOL IN THE FALL...THIS IS IT GUYS AND WHO EVER THOUGHT THAT  HAVING ALL THIS FREEDOM AND "POSSIBILITIES" WOULD STRESS ME OUT EVEN MORE THAN FINALS. PERHAPS OLDER PEOPLE OLD ON TO THEIR MEMORIES OF COLLEGE BECAUSE IT SYMBOLIZES A TIME IN THEIR LIVES WHEN THEY WERE MORE CAREFREE AND HAD LESS RESPONSIBILITIES, HOWEVER i AM NOT READY TO ADOPT THE IDEA THAT MY BEST YEARS ARE BEHIND ME...SO BRING IT ON, TIME TO START LIVING....EVEN IF i AM STARTING OUT A LITTLE ROUGH

New York New York!!!!

Finally home hanging out with the boyfriend. Beautiful afternoon. Blissfully happy