31 July, 2011

On the nose.

"Disappointed because her hopes have not come to pass and she fears coming up with new goals will only lead to further disappointment. These conflicting emotions lead to a feeling of anxiety and depression. she tries to escape into a peaceful and calm relationship which offers encouragement and protection from further disappointment."


They read me like a book. I've been thinking like this a lot lately, which is very unlike myself, I just don't see the point in getting my hopes up any more.


no matter how much i try to entertain myself so i can forget about you, i cant.

28 July, 2011

Why are all men that I encounter spoiled?

Ladies I need your advice! Now I know that I've been out of the "game" for some time now but is it just me or do guys not know how to keep a conversation going without saying something a bit extra. I'm certainly not a prude and many times guilty of flirting but like I just wanted to say hi. See what you're about maybe get to know you. I dont know but many of my conversations go something like this: Now keep in my mind that this guy has "poked" everyday for the last week and the only friend in common we have is my older brother.
  • ME: so are you going to say hi or you're just gonna keep poking me lol
  • E* Lol...hi gorgeous
  • ME: lol how are you?
  • E* I'm ok .a little thirsty right now.. Lol
  • ME:you should do something about that :)
  • E* Only ur lips can take my thirst way;)
  • ME: wow that's a bit much to take in, it's our first conversation.

So was I fcuked up for saying that? 

26 July, 2011

About a boy,we'll call him... J

A couple of weeks ago, through a series of unprecedented events I met a boy. He is almost of a different breed and as much as I'm not ready to let myself get caught up in emotions I find myself wanting to be around him. He's sweet, very honest, fun and really likes me...a lot. Which may be the primary reason why I enjoy myself so much when with him, I mean who doesn't like being praised. [CUT-TAG="More ramblings here..."]

I was clear with him from the start, told him that we should get to know each other but he continues to push for emotions out of me. He doesn't know how much I think things through and how things have to make almost perfect sense to me before I can accept them. I almost envy his ability to trust his instincts. At the same time, it's not me, not who I am and I can't betray myself in that way. He wishes I would fall in love with him and talks of a future that my mind wont process. 

I'm still in love with my ex. I feel it in my heart. Although that's not a river I plan on swimming in ever again, it's hard to let go of that idea when it was part of me for so long. Also there's an unequivocal feeling inside of me that still hopes he will do something gallant and maybe things could work out. but that's just how I am.

J is not without fault. I do not intend on making him out to be a king, but it is a relief from the usual. I always feel like people want something from me, and I'm often able to figure out what it is right away but with him it's not like that. He doesn't want me to leave, but he's willing to visit me. Unfortunately that's also not something that I see happening in the future. As selfish as it may be, I don't want any strings. 

My reasoning is not in trying to keep my options open, quite the oppose in fact. I do not plan nor hope to be with anyone any time soon. For the first time in my life I feel like my future is a blank canvas. I can do anything I want with it without making room for anyone else. I don't have to worry about going to school to satisfy my mom, a boyfriend, a job, nothing at all. I am deeply thankful to my mother for providing me with this opportunity. I rather see this as a chance to figure out who I am and what it is that I really want in this world as opposed to calling it quits and failing. 

Anyways I am in a way thankful for J. In no way shape or form to I wish to be selfish...but I must admit that it helps.


19 July, 2011

Why can't life be simple?

I really don't know what's wrong with me. I've had a hard month, although in a way it's been the most fun I've had in years. But do I really want things to be this way? All this drinking and smoking, meeting new people, going to different places, watching the sunset and sunrise every weekend...It's exhausting. Granted it's not like it's been that wild but it's been more so than in a long time and some people keep pushing for things to escalate and continue this way. NO! I need my sleep. 

I went on a date yesterday [CUT-TAG="More Here..."] and the guy is supppeerrr sweet. I don't know if God is messing with me or what, but I always told my ex that I wanted him to be a little more romantic and show more passion and blah blah blah, but this new guy is almost suffocating. He's extremely honest (or else he's full of it) and everything that he feels he says. He's kind of pushy though and to the point that I'm turned off by it. Sure I want a guy to tell me he loves me once in a while and how much they can't live without me and need to see me....but not when it's only the third time I hang out with you.

He has gentleman qualities, and seeing how much he likes me only helps my self esteem but at the same time I'm not looking for anything serious and he is. I rushed into this and I really don't see a nice way out but lets see how it plays out.


-_- Kat

18 July, 2011


I have so much anger and rage inside of me that I feel as if I am going to split. I have to act all well behaved but everything is getting to me. And I want to yell at the top of my lungs and tell the whole world to SHUT THE FUCK UP.


maybe I'll move to Canada and change my name -_-

14 July, 2011

My Future Boyfriend ♥♥♥

A curious human from a well-ordered but loveless future, P-A-X-497/341 (aka Pax), played by Barry Watson, returns to the year 2011 to satisfy his curiosity about such archaic concepts as love, passion and winds up making his own discoveries when he meets the woman of his dreams, Elizabeth Barrett, portrayed by Sara Rue, a newly published romance novelist.
When Pax doesn't return to the future by the given deadline, Bob (Fred Willard), his fellow scientist, travels back in time to find Pax. Meanwhile as Elizabeth is helping Pax learn about love, she ends up confiding in her colleague, played by Valerie Harper, about her own upcoming "surprise" engagement.

When I first decided to watch did movie I must say I did not expect to like it as much as I did. While I am a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic, a movie with a plot like this...a man from the future travels to the past to investigate what LOVE is and finds more than he was hoping for...really? 

well I found myself profoundly curious as to how the movie would develop and it did not disappoint.

There were two definitions of love given and both are strangely very close to the feeling that many of us have given into only to come out of it feeling destroyed and in most cases, fighting to find again. I wonder why it is that I personally find it almost innate to search for someone to fulfill the longing to love and be loved. I think I speak for most of us when I say that Love, in truth cannot be explained, it must be experienced first hand, and it is the most exuberating feeling that I've ever experience.

Movie Quotes on Love:

"Love? it must be dangerous. the love condition is some kind of virus which apparently made people act in strange and illogical ways, causing in some occasions obsessive dementia. It is now also thought to have been one of the root causes of all the suffering in the world."

"Love: it's something that happens when you meet someone that you feel deeply connected to and it's not like that connection is a product of anything intentional but rather something outside of yourself, something that you can't fight. Something that was meant to be. Something that makes you wish you could live forever so that you would never have to live without it."

In my opinion: Very on point...too bad that love alone cannot or rather SHOULD not be the sole basis of a relationship. In order for relationships to be successful, it requires much determination, commitment and patience. However, no matter how many times I fail, I believe in the purity of love and will not cease to pursue an opportunity to pursue it. In fact, I'd plunge right in.

Xoxo, Katherine