19 August, 2011

**I'm yours**

Smashing Pumpkin
My Chemical Romance

"I'm not strong enough to stay away
Can't run from you
I just run back to you
Like a moth I'm drawn into your flame
Say my name, but it's not the same
You look in my eyes I'm stripped of my pride
And my soul surrenders and you bring my heart to its knees"
Your face so unfamiliar at the time. My body shaking as I got closer to you, not knowing what to say. While sitting in my car I tried to imagine exactly what would happen. Decisions like Should I kiss him on his cheeks or lips? seemed to overwhelm my mind, it seemed so silly that after all the years of kissing your sweet lips, they now felt forbidden to me.
I was walking towards you with a smile on face, the kind of smile that makes me feel I can take on an army without letting them see not one sign of worry or doubt on my face. My eyes glowed with actual contentment, no amount of nerves could take away the feeling that my heart felt as I got closer and closer to you. My heart beating loudly as if calling out to yours. And there you were. The same face I've seen change over the years, that half smile that lets me know you're uncomfortable but glad to be there.
As I spoke to say "hi" my voice was but a whisper and you leaned in to kiss my cheek. For that second all the cells in my body felt aroused by your touch, your scent and I felt as though I could not move.

09 August, 2011

Don't feel like picking up the phone So leave a message after the tone...


I love this song and pretty much listen to it on a daily basis while I'm driving home from work... I like to pretend that my day "starts" after leaving work :) but I had never, not once seen the video until today and I can't believe how funny it is. 

[CUT-TAG="More Here..."]

"Tomorrow I'll wake up, do some P90X
Meet a really nice girl, have some really nice sex
And she's gonna scream out: 'This is Great'
(Oh my god, this is great)

Quote of the day: Smile =)

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
– Theodore Seuss Giesel


[CUT-TAG="More Here..."]

"You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you."

Three days to go! I'm actually beginning to get excited about leaving this place. I've learned a lot working here but at the same time I realize that it's time to move on. I've reached my limits. I'll continue to try helping others, in a different way. Hopefully in a more meaningful way, as this proved to be futile. 

I think that I'm going to really like working with kids as much as I didn't think so before. All I want to do is inspire people to be better to each other. 

Laying on the couch yesterday I realized something else that kind of blew my mind. So simple yet I hadn't noticed it. I was sitting there trying to figure out how to make myself forget about Eric. Whether I hate him for not loving me or if I wanted to make him see that he should love me...then I thought to myself, Kat he's not yours. He doesn't belong to you because you love him. Let him go, let it all go. So I am grateful as always for all the time we spent together, and now I'm at peace because as much as I love him I can't make him love me, it wouldn't be fair to me to keep myself in that state of mind. 

Things are clearing up some what. I was looking at myself upside down in a mirror and I couldn't remember who I was anymore. I lost myself . Going back to NY is bittersweet because I initially wanted to go back because I knew it would make him happy, now of course I have a million and one other reasons.



07 August, 2011

Life is ours, we live it our way.

it's raining really hard, i always love it when it rains this way. i can't believe that in a week i wont be here anymore. Everything that i set out to do here was accomplished...far more than what i imagined happened and i'm better for it. i pray to God to protect my heart, thus not allowing changes to transform me into someone i don't know. [CUT-TAG="More Here..."]

currently listening to: 

06 August, 2011

i Officially declare this season OVER!

For far too long I thought that strength was suppresing my feelings and going on about my business as normal, but in the end long run i broke down ... and NOW it's time to stop. This is the last time (i hope) that i'll let it out again. Time to start my Happy season my life, and it's hard because you were my best friend. You know my deepest fears, things i can't even say outloud to myself. & now you're gone and i'm just supposed to be okay with that.

You told me so and then you kind of took it back, and I was desperate enough to accept that. I thought that you at least respected me & in some way valued our friendship. [CUT-TAG="More Here..."]



Of the same arguments, the same feelings of despair, missing you, wanting you, trying to get closer to you. Last night i felt ridiculous and i thought to myself Kathy have more self respect- stay away. This time I knew it was really over and i finally feel like i can breathe.(

"Cause something changed, you were acting so strange
And it’s taken it's toll on me"

"Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I’m seein myself so differently
I didn’t wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought I'd say
I’m fine,
Without you"


and maybe i'll be able to fool myself into thinking that this never happened.


"I set fire to the rain,
and I threw us into the flames,
well it felt something died,
'cause I knew that that was the
last time, the last time"

"Sometimes I wake up by the door,
that heart you caught must be waiting for ya."



01 August, 2011

What are the three most important things to you?

  1. Knowledge, which encompasses formal education as much as the lessons we learn from life and each other.
  2. Companionship, or else what would we all be doing here? Family, friends, significant others...
  3. Love, for ourselves, and everyone else.   

All that time she was silent still.

There's nothing worse than loving someone who's never going to stop disappointing you.