“Stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
and you will find rest for your souls." -
11 months ago I boarded a bus heading to an unfamiliar location in PA where I was to have an encounter with God. I was a wreck inside. Nothing that had happened in my life the months leading up to my encounter made sense. I pretty much felt like I was existing but not really living. At that point in my life I felt that if I died, I wouldn't be particularly too upset. I have never cried as much as I did that weekend. It completely saved my life as I thought that I was living a pretty normal life but realized how empty I was inside.
My entire life I've been good at school, had a handful of friends and loved my family. I had always been an over achiever and strive to be a hard worker - my mom was my inspiration because she has accomplished more than any other person I know. I thought I had things well figured out, living on my own I had a boyfriend and I we had our troubles (serious ones) but I still knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I kept telling myself that it was a matter of time until I was truly happy. But all my efforts proved to be futile. The more I did, the more I kept living there more difficult things became. The more I had the more I wanted. I masked over any pain and chose to focus on the good but you see that's only avoiding the issues.
For I was an optimist, or so I faked.
My life was truly turned upside down when I truly realized God's love for me. To think that He could forgive ALL of my sins and make me new again. I had heard about God all of my life, but I had never known God as I now do.
I would love to tell you that everything in my life is just perfect, that I do not need for anything and that I'm never sad. The truth is that I have struggled with a lot of the same issues throughout these eleven months. I've been unemployed for the past 4 months not receiving any income and behind on rent. I still struggle with choices. I have sinned, lied,
What I can tell you is that I love God and I know who I am in God's eyes and because of this each morning I wake up and thank God that I am alive, I pray to God that I may be strong against temptation, I pray for guidance and I praise HIM! The inner peace and joy that I have in my heart is greater than any need. We live in a world where sin, temptation, and vulgarity surrounds us, there are still people who will cause rage in us and situations that are out of our control. But because I know that there is a God that loves me and who made me with a purpose I refuse to let this world consume me. I have faith that my Lord will raise me from this situation because it is only temporary. I will continue to praise God and I must admit that the decisions I've made are to blame for my current situation. God is so good that He uses the people around me to remind me of His purpose in my life.
If you feel God's call, answer it. Talk to Him because He desires a relationship more than anything. God doesn't ask you to be perfect, all it takes is a loving heart.