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31 March, 2010

Happy BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!

Happy23rd Birthday

Omar Hayles!!!!
I’m wishing you another year
Of laughter, joy and fun,
Surprises, love and happiness,
And when your birthday’s done,

 

I hope you feel deep in your heart,
As your birthdays come and go,
How very much you mean to me,
More than you can know.



Dearest Best Friend:
Sometime in September of 2001 in Ms. Protass's Math class i met you and since then you have been a wonderfully faithful and meaningful best friend. I really wish I could spend this joyful day with you and pull many pranks on you so that this day can really be memorable. However I will make sure to do all of this on the weekend when I see you.

Love you always,
Kathady

30 March, 2010

loving life


So everything seems to be working itself out slowly but at least it's going some where right?!
I'm kind of im a really happy mood right now.

24 March, 2010

TGI WEDNESDAY!!!!!

 
ONLY 2 MORE WORK DAYS!!! (well 3)

Okay so I took a break for a little while because my laptop broke GRRRRRR and I played hookie from work yesterday, Eric and I both did I wasnt feeling too well...and such.

Anyways I will be updating with my intake for the day. I made a complete mess of my diet from sat to yesterday lost 4lbs last wk and gained it all back cuz Glamildi and I made flan and God help me I ate so much of it and have so much more left over. I wish I could give it away but these picky eaters in CT dont really like it. oh well I guess it'll go to waste unfortunely.

18 March, 2010

So much to do...so little time

Time really does seem to fly away sometimes. It is unbelievable. and then on top of that our days are now literally SHORTER!!!
The earthquake that struck Chile was so powerful that it appears to have jolted Earth's axis into a new position and increased our planet's rotation speed.
Calculations by a research scientist at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory indicate the earthquake shortened the length of a day on Earth by more than one-millionth of a second.
The U.S. space agency's Richard Gross used a complex mathematical model to simulate the earthquake's effect.  He estimates that our days are now 0.00000126 seconds shorter than they were last week. That's 1.26 microseconds, or millionths of a second, and Gross says the change will be permanent.
So I totaly get that the difference is so small that we will never notice it, not in our life time anyways. But the fact that something like that can actually happen has amazed me for the last 2 days. ha ha i'm obsessing.
Everyday I live my life constantly looking or asking for the time. I'm not sure why I have gotten into this routine perhaps because ever since my freshman year of college I have been involved in so many things and always needed to be somewhere by a certain time - now it's just habit. I can literally tell you what I was doing down to every half hour or so. I don't think it's a problem or anything like that but I am always rushing and going and timing myself- I promise you it is exhausting.
But anyways today will go something like this
3:30pm - get out of work ( It takes me exactly 30 mins sometimes a little bit longer cuz of traffic)
4:00pm - go into work
6:00pm - call Eric so he can come and have dinner at work with me.
           - Lock Athletic doors
7:00pm - Let charter Oak into the pool
8:00pm - Begin closing the building
8:45pm - Close front doors and go around telling everyone they have 15 mins left
9:00pm - Make sure everyone is out of the building
           - Alarm the pool
           - Check the Pellets
           - Drive around to make sure that all of the gates are locked
           - Return keys to Public Safety
9:20pm - Finally leave campus
9:45pm - Go to my old apt check the mail and go home
10:00pm - Clean car and apt as much as possible
11:00pm - Put load in the washer and go pick up mimi
LOL okay fine this makes it look intense which it isn't at all what so ever but it explains why I am always looking at the time.

:) Anyways let me STOP wasting time and get to work. I'm procrastinating

17 March, 2010

Mirror Mirror


*This is by no means my writing* I found it on PrettyThin.Com
by Zoodle


Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the fairest of them all?
I don't see me in your reflection
I see someone beautiful without imperfection.
 
I see a girl. She's dainty and thin.
Her hair brushes against soft skin.
With dark eyes that reflect the moonlight.
Such gentle features they sink into the night.


Mirror mirror on the wall
Why am I not there at all?
I see beauty infront of me.
I'm sure that that's not what you see.
 
You see no one. A nobody.
A thin girl in a fat body.
I want to become the real me
Work long and hard just so you'll see.
 
Mirror mirror on the wall
Am I the fairest of them all?
No. Not now but i'll aim to be
And when I become it then you'll all see.

22 December, 2009

stressed....yet again

So I'm not a huge fan of making new year's resolutions or anything like that. But seeing as how this year 2009 was incredibly sucky from beginning to end I think that if I have some goals maybe I will keep myself in track to a better life. Because everything is really going to shit. I'm on a boat that has a hole and water is seeping through. at least that's what it seems like, it's like every time i see a small problem and try to tackle it more come and they are all rushing in progressively faster than the last. It is so hard to catch my breath so hard to stay on my feet. But no more. It is time to get what i want out of life. (i feel like i keep saying that. I'm just hoping this time it really happens).

Fearlessly

Making Decisions

By Stacy B., Warrensburg, NY

I can’t ever make up my mind
The best answer I can’t ever find
My mom and dad yell “You have to decide”
If only they were in my brain along for the ride

People don’t realize just how hard it can get
To not disappoint without feeling regret
It seems easier to have someone pick for me
But I guess that just weakens my decision making ability

I also wish someone would help me to choose
Give me some advice that I could use
Get me to get over this problem of mine
Help me to realize all I need is time

But it seems like I need to get over it right now
Just practice and try even though I don’t know how
I could really face some problems in the years to come
With this problem of mine that may seem quite dumb

I’m worried I will have to face a major consequence
For when I’m faced with the decision and I reply “I’m on the fence”
Just toughen up and buckle down
Because the best choice I know can be found

I’ll be cured before you know it
But right now I’m not faking
I protest everything that goes along,
With decision making

06 December, 2009

giving up.

Currently
Runaway Train
By Soul Asylum

It is so easy to give up. but I can't. Fact of the matter is giving up is not an option. The Bible tell us 2 Chronicles 15:7 "But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded." and even those who are of no religious affiliation cannot deny that those who keep at it persevere. You hear it all the time from everyone around you they say things like "don't give up" and "be storng" but then why are we so quick to lose hope when we have to travel up a rocky hill.??
I told myself at the beginning of the year that I would do everything in my power to gain peace in my heart and mind. with only three weeks to the end of the year I realize that I haven't found that peace, I'm just as troubled and stressed if not more than last year and while evaluating the steps that I've taken to find this peace I realize that I haven't done too good at keeping true to that promise.  So tonight I find myself telling a friend and telling myself do not give up because the end is no where near, and the only way to get to where you want to go is by taking that first step and continue to move forward without ever looking back.

23 November, 2009

silently

Currently
It's Not My Time




I don't feel anything, I'm numb. no, wait that's not entirely true. I can feel a hole in the center of my stomach, like the black holes you hear about in your science class over and over, every year and as if 5 years wasn't enough you hear about it again in high school. I also feel my heart throbbing in my chest hoping to be ripped out. Free itself from my chest just to run away from the pain. This excruciating pain that doesn't seem to mind that my heart is growing weak day after day. and the muted, silent shouts that echo inside my body and make me fold my knees into my chest. I open my mouth and it still doesn't escape, not one tear. not even one WTF is going on. It would make it so much easier to cry but my eyes seem immune to my pain and then I think maybe more pain maybe it will help. Or maybe if I bleed so i take this knife to my wrist but I don't have the balls to push it hard enough and let it penetrate my body. maybe a walk a walk in the middle of the street. If only I was lucky enough to have a car hit me and send me flying hundreds of feet in the air, then maybe then I will be freed of this pain. but of course the situation is too perfect, there is rain in the ground and it is dark out but not one car, 20 mins...half an hour. I'm getting bored and it's finally setting in that this is a stupid idea. So I walk back to my apartment. turn the lights off and shut my eyes.

21 November, 2009

QUOTES!

there are some people in life that make you laugh a little harder, smile a little bigger, live a lot better, and just love a lot more. (:

you cant change who people are without destroying who they were.

you're only as good as the love you have for other people.

so i'll walk the plank & jump w/ a smile if i'm going down, i'll do it in style. you'll never hear me surrender,

music speaks what cannot be expressed. soothes the mind and gives it rest. heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul.

so, the heart is said to be the strongest muscle in the human body. then, can somebody tell me, why it breaks so easily?

don't worry about your reputation; worry about your character. see, your reputation is what people think you are. your character is what you really are.

we come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfectly person perfect.

i will disappoint you. i am everything i say i'm not, i'm nothing i say i am, and i am everything i wish i wasnt.

i wish you were here. but your not here. you're there. and 'there' doesn't know how lucky it is.

You have three choices in life. you can give in, give up, or give it your all.

hold on baby, you're losing it. the water's high and your jumping into it and letting go... and no one knows that you cry, but you don't tell anyone that you might be the golden one and you're together with a smile; but you're coming Undone.

sometimes, they don't hate you until your back is turned. sometimes, they don't love you until your dead.

whoever says they are perfect, is the most flawed of us all.

new york's the spot, let's stay up all night, not say a word. let our eyes do the talking, we're meant to be, let's just run away.<3

i've never told a lie, and that makes me a liar. i've never made a bet, but we gamble with desire; i've never lit a match with intent to start a fire, but recently the flames are getting out of control.

Nobody said it would be easy. they said it would be worth it.

Before you say you hate someone, think: if they died, would you care?

i can keep a secret if you can keep me guessing the taste of your lips is enough to keep me pressing.

its been a long year. the hardest year of my life. i've shed some tears, but you've never seen me cry.

it breaks your heart when people you know become the people you knew. when you can walk right past someone as if they were never a huge part of your life. you used to be able to talk for hours on end, and now you cant even look each other in the eye. it completely breaks your heart to know good things change, and you can't do anything about it.

[[what]] i need to live is given to me by EARTH. [why] i need to live is given to me by YOU.

getting an abortion doesn't make you 'unpregnant'. it just makes you the mother of a (dead) baby.

when i was in grade school, they told me to write down what i wanted to be when i grew up. i wrote down 'happy.' they told me i didn't understand the assignment; i told them they didn't understand life.

isn't it funny, how day-by-day: nothing changes. But whenever you look back, everything's different?

choose your words wisely. put your brain in gear before you put your mouth in motion.

i'd rather be known for what i did, than be known for who i did.

too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want; to impress people they don't like.

&& baby, if he's dumb enough to let you go, i hope you're smart enough to Walk away.

i'm probably in the sky;
flying with the fishes; or in the ocean, swimming with the pidgeons; SEE, my world is different.

welcome to a world, where being yourself just isn't enough.

i'm a mess; and usually my room is, too. my clothes are a little too TIGHT, && at times i show a little too much skin, i obsess over boy and get hurt too easily.. i'm your average, unordinary, teenage girl<3.

your heart is a river that flows from your chest through every organ. your brain is the dam, and i am the fish who can't reach the cord.

love is not what makes the world go round. love is what makes the ride worthwhile<3.

Although we adore men individually, we agree that, as a group, they are rather stupid.

if you don't know how to fall, then you'll never learn to fly<333.

i'm not afraid of falling; it's just a sign that i've climbed too high.

The only things that stand between a person and what they want in life are the will to try it, and the faith to believe it is possible.

sometimes, all it takes is
another chance to get things right.

isnt it ironic? how we adore the people who ignore us, and ignore those who adore us? love those who hurt us, and hurt those that love us.

Giving up doesnt mean your weak;
sometimes, it just means your strong enough to let things go.

I always knew that looking back at the tears would make me laugh, but i never knew looking back at the laughs would make me cry.

If you really want her
tell her;; because she can wait
but she cant wait forever.

let's commit the perfect crime;
i'll steal your heart, you steal mine.

take nothing but pictures;
Leave nothing but footprints.

I want someone to fall in love with
the way I laugh and fall in love with
my smile. I want someone to listen
to the ramblings of my inner child.
Someone who touches my face and
brushes the hair from my eyes.
I want someone who loves me or
at least holds me like they do.
But I only want that if its you.

When I'm older & my little girl
Asks me who my first love was..
I don't want to have to pull out an
Old photo album.. I want to be able to Point across the room and say
"He's sitting right over there."


Holding onto broken hearts
memories are what's left of us
you're trying too hard to be my friend
& i'm placing all our pictures in
these broken frames to remind
me never to fall in love again.

Don't give up on love because there is
always someone who loves you, even if it's not the person you were hoping for.

We're all a little weird. And life's a little
weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up in mutual weirdness and call it love.

So let's drink to the truth. Let's speak through drunken minds & say how much we truly love each other & tomorrow, we can go back to pretending that we hate each other.

No matter how many times he hurts me, I will always forgive him.
Some may call it stupid. I call it love.

whoever says they are perfect,
is the most flawed of us all.

just things...a bunch of things.

Currently
Breaking It Up
By Lykke Li


   Today has been a particularly different day. I woke up and was soon extremely happy when I realized that I have lost more weight, I boiled some water and made myself green tea. showered, did my hair and make up and laid out the clothes I'd wear for work later on. I spoke to Rosy for a while who I have again neglected, since it has been a week since i spoke to her (i<3 u) and was just hanging out until the time to leave for work came.
I got a call back from this cc company that I had left a message for regarding a claim and they denied my complaint and told me I had to pay off my balance immediately WTF???!!! i of course do not have the means to do that so I made a down payment and set up a payment plan to pay it off in six feasible payments since I wouldn't be receiving statements because they closed my account. I was taken so off guard that I just agreed to everything and just said fcuk it. cc companies made a whole mess out of my mom's credit which was absolutely great so I didn't want to put up a fight and be dragged into a big mess like her, having to call all these numbers and what not. but still I was annoyed.

When something happens to anger me or upset me i usually get over it in a couple of minutes and  go on with my day, but being that the holidays are coming and i will have to travel home and buy gifts and spend so much money, it kind of put me in a weird mood. I was all of the sudden really upset and then everything that is not right in my life right now came to mind and got me even more upset. Now, I'm not used to being upset like this (it happens very seldom) and the rest of my night was kind of like that, one of my friends got me talking about my current situation with my boyfriend ex boyfriend and that ofcourse made me feel even worse. I am not sad but i am unhappy. I am not angry but I am disappointed. I am not hopeless but I am worried. and worse of all I am very lonely and not to mention confused.
one thing that does make me happy is cleaning with the music on, because I dont have to think just focus on getting everything clean. I cleaned the apartment on wednesday but my room is still full of clean clothes waiting to be folded and refolded neatly...so I will go do this now because I know it will help me clear my head.

17 November, 2009

How far would you go for love?

 


I first became completely obsessed with Cartier's love bracelet (below) after seeing it on an episode of CSI:NY and researching it. Typically the way that it works is that it can only be taken off if unscrewed and the man who gives you such bracelet would keep the "key" or screw that comes with the bracelet as a symbolic gesture meaning commitment and a promise. They can choose to wear it around their neck. The whole idea is pretty old love like and romantic, althought there are many feminists out there who refuse to accept this as a declaration of love but rather as a sign of ownership (bet none of those women have ever falling in love anyways).

"The original provocative bracelet
-created in the 1970's- which could
only be opened with a tiny
screwdriver. It soon became a piece
of cult jewellery for modern day

Lovers." (cartier's site)

So the pros: its a great gesture because what woman doesn't love jewelry, or cartier for that fact; especially with a meaning like that. You can custumize it to fit your personal style. the con: it's over $3,000.00.

enough said....but it is cartier

Their slogan for the new LOVE campaign is "How far would you go for love?"
My answer: very but if a guy is spending $3gs on jewelry it better be a diamond ring. :)







What is the most inspiring book you've ever read?

Absolutely and without a doubt I know this much is true ~ Wally Lamb. This book thought me that by coping with all the failure and loss in life you can overcome all that is rotten and find something that works, and something that's worth moving forward for.



I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

Finding "I"

Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking soul searching about where I wanted Xanga to take me. Well not really Xanga but this blog. I've kept a journal since the time I turned 10 years old and my mother bought me a beautiful lilac diaries. She thought that since I read so much, I would probably enjoy writing just as much- and she was right. For years I wrote in these pages my daily activities, my dreams, goals and expectations. I never really wrote down my secrets because let's face it, those standard locks they put on diaries are not exactly mom proof, and although I never caught her I couldn't risk being too careful.
 

About the time that I entered High School I discovered the large collection of Journals sold at Barnes and Noble and since those four years were anything but uneventful I went through a myriad of these journals--needless to say my obssesion continued through out college too. Thus when I was unable to write in my journal for lack of words I felt lost and like I needed a way to channel my thoughts through writing. Today I reached a realization and this is it: I needed a change, for the last year I have felt uninspired and bland.
I've been rethinking my life and I feel somewhat unsatisfied with things. At some point I thought "Here I go again doing what I do best and changing my mind about things and not commiting to anything long enough to actually see the results"IT'S TIME TO CHANGE THAT !!

Mix things up and live a little LOT. So now that I've decided I need a change of pace, the next thing I am going to do is get my affairs in order. I now understand that change is developmental, transitional and transformational. Change doesnt happen overnight and it is important to have my goals clear in my mind in order to achieve them, no matter what life throws at me.

No matter where we are in our lives, it's never too late to re-invent ourselves and move foward with what we want our lives to be like. Don't allow yourself to get stuck in a life that you're not happy in. It is never too late to make a difference in your life. If you're unhappy DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. and that's why I will keep telling myself.


"Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is nonexistent. And don’t bother concealing your thievery—celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: “It’s not where you take things from—it’s where you take them to.”~ Jim Jarmusch

09 November, 2009

Cause work is so GODDAMN boring!!!!!


 
Real relationship I'd have to say Eric (first bf Ramon)
  taken
    ha ha seven
    black mesh
    yeah, I suppose
    yup
    yeah
  Eric
  Eric

 
to Kate: If it was something private I wouldnt be doing it here
    All of u
  cuz I love you
  me, myself & I
  my brother
  yup
  Eric
  no
  yes
  Five
  yes, por amar a ciegas
  no
  not to my knowledge
  yes
  yes
  yes
  yes
  yes
 
true love... it's when you love someone beyond your control.and they love you back just the same.
  I have
  no

I think loving someone requires you to truly know a pperson for who they are. and you can't do that at first sight.
 
yes, but often times that leads to no friendship after love.
   
It can be because regular ppl go to bars so why not.
  no. go to bars to drink.
 I suppose so. that would make more sense and seems like it's more likely to work 
  S  yes. i do lol
 
mutual give and take but I am a little old fashioned and like for guys to step up and be in charge.
   
They can be ofcourse but I doubt that relationship would be successful.

monday mornings are NOT my fortè

image1805829794.jpgtwo bars, one fresh boy, and a long train ride home later my night definitely turned out far more exciting then where it seemed to be heading at around 8pm.

NYC in the mornig however, is a different story. As I headed out of my house this morning to begin a not so excitig journey back to CT, I was met by noisy streets and a crowd of overly energetic children on their way to school. A few minutes later I found myself in a train car filled to maximum capacity with caffine ridden New Yorkers who did not hesitate to dig their elbows with malice into my ribs when trying to squeeze their asses into seats next to me.

I am always amazed at how quickly this dear city of mine changes during rush hour. I wish everyone would just take some zanex and relax but where would the fun be in that???

Anyways, I am going to bask in the enjoyment of traveling in an unusually spacious bus ride. seems like a well earned reward after such an eventful weekend.

 

08 November, 2009

and my night keeps getting better…

image1093952502.jpgso after three drinks i pay my tab…under $20 thats what i like. i walk to 23rd to meet one of my BFFs ROSY :) yay!! we are going to another bar. lets see what happens now.

xoxo,
ego

our best self

image1060304888.jpgsometimes we lose focus of the importance of ourselves. we spend our entire lives learning how to satisfy others. our parents our teachers our friends and boyfriends then the husbands and kids and lets not forget our bosses. but sometimes its good to get back to simply satisfyig ourselves.

my plans changed a bit today and i found myself dress and made up with nowhere to go. i have an iphone full of contacts and yet i have neglected so many of my friends that i found myself in the end alone and again with no where to go.

but thank god im in NYC so i decided to let my metrocard take me to 42nd street. then with the help of my savvy iphone i found Zumi this great little jazz bar in 43rd and 9th. the home to an energetic and lively bartender who makes delicious captain and cokes and so my night worked out great after all…

its good to be out with my best self tonight. dressed up, gorgeous, adventurous, and thank god blissfully happy.

xoxo,
ego