2011- July 4th weekend :)

Friday Night, 7/1/11

The Hungry Tiger

Manchester, CT

Saturday, 7/2/11

The Water Fire
Providence, RI

Sunday, 7/3/11

Walnut Hill Park, etc...
New Britain, CT

:)

I feel beautiful today.

While my plans last night were completely ruined L I must say I feel much better today. I got up really early and decided that another unexpected expense was not going to ruin the rest of my week. I made up my face really pretty (I wish I could share but I’m at work atm) and just that was enough to make me feel glamorous. Aside from all this I have lost 6lbs since June 6^th when I began making changes in my life that will only improve it in the long run.

So I must say it’s going well, and this is just what I needed because this series of unfortunate events really knocked me down. Especially this past weekend, I’m not too sure what that was about but I’m glad it’s over with. ❤

Xoxo, Katherine

Where do I go from here?

Have you ever stopped long enough to ask yourself if you're truly happy? For so long I fought to hang unto a life I believed made me happy. I sat in my high chair looking down on those who I deemed lived their lives in an improper manner. What ever that mean. I keep reaching for a life that I believed I wanted because everything else was too mundane and I refused to accept that as my future. I continued to chase butterflies in a field of roses with thorns thick enough to severed my organs. I thought to myself that it was okay, "pain is part of the process", and "it'll all be worth it in the end". Has it? no it hasn't, it was a hell that I made for myself because I am not accustomed to give up. I refused to quit because that was no way to succeed but the fact of the matter is that "Vitality shows not only in the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

I now realize that sticking to a plan that continues to fail no matter what you do is not the answer, instead it is important to take the time to analyze the situation entirely and figure out whether or not is will be worth it to continue with that same plan, or to begin from zero all over again. I didn't have the capacity to make that choice once I got to that point and it was instead made for me. "Divine intervention" at it's fullest. I am grateful for what has happened although it hurts. And as living proof I will tell you all that bad habits are hard to quit. I am sitting here with all this knowledge yet unable to mourn for what I've lost. It's creeping into my mind however and I am slowly allowing myself to hurt. All this pain is tough to handle and I feel like I need a friend, someone to confide in entirely because I can't handle it anymore. I don't know how to make myself feel better and I need a friend who wont bullshit me, tell me what I want to hear or grow tire. I need a willing ear and a kind heart. It's hard because I've been that person to many plenty of times yet I don't know if anyone can do that for me. Partially is my own fear of opening up and allowing my feelings to flow and secondly is the fact that I'm not too sure who remembers me for who I was and ignore the perfected things I've told them.
I hurt, but I can't cry. From the first day of these trials that God has put before me I decided that I was okay, and that I didn't need anyone's help because I was... unaffected by the circumstances. That's the first place I reach to. "I am okay, I know it was for the better and if this is God's will then I know things can only get better." I say this to everyone but I don't believe any of that. I like everyone else want to know why?! why couldn't things workout how I thought they would? Why did things have to happen this way? Why can't I feel safe or trust anyone? Why do I feel so alone yet I put a smile on my face every single day?!

I have lied to everyone and to myself for so damn long I don't even know how to begin to feel. All I know is that this feeling of despair has been creeping up on me for the last couple of days and I feel destroyed. I try to put words to my feelings and I can't even begin to tell you it goes as far back as when I was a child. I always gave people more credit than they deserved. I didn't want anyone to feel bad so I took that unto myself, and I decided that I wouldn't let things hurt me. This time something's broken, maybe I've had enough.

I feel like crap.

ugh. I have had to face a lot lately. I've made some pretty bad choices and I handle things very poorly. Actually that's an understatement, I haven't handled things very well at all.

No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as a manor of thy friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind. And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

I thought that by isolating myself I could deal with my issues and then reconnect with those I love once I'd become a better version of myself. Instead I grew prideful thinking that I was doing what was best for me. I've become the worse I've imagine myself to ever be. I deprived myself of any true bond. And here I find myself, lost, lonely and confused. I don't know how to get back what I've lost.

I've hindered every relationship in my life, I grew apart from my family to the point that I dont know them and can't connect with my friends. I let pride defeat me. If nothing else I have become more humble and maybe with time I'll get my life back on track.

I had Butters in my mind...

"It's okay, if you have a little frightDon't you worry, I won't bite (not that hard)If you wan't it, I'll give you powerJust be gentle, I'm delicate like a flower"

For all of you with a dirty mind, I just really enjoy the parts of the lyrics above :)

What a morning already

Im so stressed out!

I would usually let a conversation like that one I had with a client on the phone throw me into some kind of downward spiral of self-hatred and my life gone bad. But today I will not! As fcuked up as it may be for someone to hang up the phone on me after calling me useless I realize that it’s not my fault. There is nothing that I can do to help this man and I could’ve gotten his hopes up and wasted his time so that we can get $450 credit but instead I didn’t. I told him who to call and he lashed out on me.

I’m still angry about it, but I’m learning that there is no point in me being upset over someone that I barely know acting childish toward me. That person clearly has bigger troubles ahead of him than whatever I can say.

It’s funny though, whenever someone angers me I imagine myself in tight black leather pants and jacket, with villain’s make up on ready to blow up that person’s home. Watches out people…don’t unleash me. Ha ha I would never. But it relaxes me.

Thank you lord! For giving me the virtue of patience, and understanding. I am grateful.

Uninspired.

Presently I find myself wanting to shut my eyes and disappear into a blissful dream. It's always taken me a while to react to things and I still don't fully think that I am reacting strongly to this all. I guess such a big part of me is fighting despair and the other is completely apathetic because why should I feel that way? It is completely inconvenient to feel this way.

How am I to find my creativity when my heart and mind are both stoic? Well I guess my only choice is to take a nap and remember that I am better than this. It's all pretty simple (in)fact. Why allow something that I have no control over to bother me. Or is it the fact that I have no control over this that bothers me?

Let's explore that for a second. Power is invigorating, I feel comfortable with power. Now I'm not in a position to call any shots not that there are shots to be called. I am simply sitting in the plane waiting for it to take off but without really being able to get off.  As a matter of fact that is perfect, that's exactly how I feel.

Ampersand

Here We go again

I have tried everything over the years and always end up giving up and quitting, and instead of losing weight I have gained so much, more than I ever imagined. I mean I was never "Skinny" after I hit 13. My sophomore year of high school I was a size 4 then 6 and it went up hill from there pretty fast.

I'm 5'3" supposed to be around 125lbs where I want to be and should be if I stick to my plans. Thing is that I haven't found a diet that I can stick to and with my work schedule everything that comes in handy is fatty or sweet so I have to find a solution so that I can do this in a healthy and effective manner. Which definitely means working out. So I have to fit that into my already busy schedule.

I really want to do this and although I have failed many times before. I know that this time I will keep at it. I guess my inspiration is my boyfriend. We just moved in together and the weight issue has been a problem because it affects me in many ways and any time he tries to encourage me or help out I just get touchy and emotional. Although I know he means well this is something that I definitely need to do on my own. Maybe once I reach my first goal, I'll involve him... Maybe.

Well anyways, My plan is to lose as many lbs possible in the next 2 wks by reducing my intake considerably. I know it is not the most healthy way but I just need a little bit of a push and I can stick to a diet for a week...maybe 2.

I'll be updating this daily or as much as I can since I have a lot going on.

MEN ARE FROM MARS....WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS

It seems like men can get away with having that extra slice of pizza, doing fewer push ups and less time on the treadmill and still end up losing weight. While us women count every single calorie that we eat and breathe, exercise until we drop and obsessing over the scale which betrays us time and time again. IT IS NOT OUR IMAGINATION...In fact whether you choose to believe it or not, MEN LOSE WEIGHT FASTER THAN WOMEN.

FAIR?? I THINK NOT!!
However there are a few good reason as to why this happens.

1. Men have more muscle. This allows them to burn more calories, even when at rest.
2. Women are predisposed to store and retain fat. Women have higher levels of estrogen, a hormone that works works to keep the fat on a woman's body so it's easier for her to get pregnant. That means women have to work harder to lose weight at the same rate as men.

Men's bodies respond more quickly to exercise. Women's bodies, meanwhile, actually go into a sort of starvation mode, slowing the metabolism to hang onto more fat, which makes perfect sense since CREATING AN NURTURING A NEW LIFE IS NOT AS EASY AS IT LOOKS.

Well I've decided to not let this or anything stop me from my goal to lose weight. I don't know what on earth happened but I completely sent my health to the back burner while I was in college, now that I have more time for myself I am going to do something about. But I will confess that I'm jealous to see how much my boyfriend and brother can put down their throat without gaining as much as an ounce, my brother especially.

Wish me luck =) ♥

Happy BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!

Happy23rd Birthday

Omar Hayles!!!!
I’m wishing you another year
Of laughter, joy and fun,
Surprises, love and happiness,
And when your birthday’s done,

 

I hope you feel deep in your heart,
As your birthdays come and go,
How very much you mean to me,
More than you can know.

Dearest Best Friend:

Sometime in September of 2001 in Ms. Protass's Math class i met you and since then you have been a wonderfully faithful and meaningful best friend. I really wish I could spend this joyful day with you and pull many pranks on you so that this day can really be memorable. However I will make sure to do all of this on the weekend when I see you.

Love you always,
Kathady

loving life

So everything seems to be working itself out slowly but at least it's going some where right?!
I'm kind of im a really happy mood right now.

ha ha found this funny

TGI WEDNESDAY!!!!!

 
ONLY 2 MORE WORK DAYS!!! (well 3)

Okay so I took a break for a little while because my laptop broke GRRRRRR and I played hookie from work yesterday, Eric and I both did I wasnt feeling too well...and such.

Anyways I will be updating with my intake for the day. I made a complete mess of my diet from sat to yesterday lost 4lbs last wk and gained it all back cuz Glamildi and I made flan and God help me I ate so much of it and have so much more left over. I wish I could give it away but these picky eaters in CT dont really like it. oh well I guess it'll go to waste unfortunely.

So much to do...so little time

Time really does seem to fly away sometimes. It is unbelievable. and then on top of that our days are now literally SHORTER!!!

Your Day Feel Shorter? Blame Chile's Earthquake

The earthquake that struck Chile was so powerful that it appears to have jolted Earth's axis into a new position and increased our planet's rotation speed.

Calculations by a research scientist at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory indicate the earthquake shortened the length of a day on Earth by more than one-millionth of a second.

The U.S. space agency's Richard Gross used a complex mathematical model to simulate the earthquake's effect.  He estimates that our days are now 0.00000126 seconds shorter than they were last week. That's 1.26 microseconds, or millionths of a second, and Gross says the change will be permanent.

So I totaly get that the difference is so small that we will never notice it, not in our life time anyways. But the fact that something like that can actually happen has amazed me for the last 2 days. ha ha i'm obsessing.

Everyday I live my life constantly looking or asking for the time. I'm not sure why I have gotten into this routine perhaps because ever since my freshman year of college I have been involved in so many things and always needed to be somewhere by a certain time - now it's just habit. I can literally tell you what I was doing down to every half hour or so. I don't think it's a problem or anything like that but I am always rushing and going and timing myself- I promise you it is exhausting.

But anyways today will go something like this
3:30pm - get out of work ( It takes me exactly 30 mins sometimes a little bit longer cuz of traffic)
4:00pm - go into work
6:00pm - call Eric so he can come and have dinner at work with me.
           - Lock Athletic doors
7:00pm - Let charter Oak into the pool
8:00pm - Begin closing the building
8:45pm - Close front doors and go around telling everyone they have 15 mins left
9:00pm - Make sure everyone is out of the building
           - Alarm the pool
           - Check the Pellets
           - Drive around to make sure that all of the gates are locked
           - Return keys to Public Safety
9:20pm - Finally leave campus
9:45pm - Go to my old apt check the mail and go home
10:00pm - Clean car and apt as much as possible
11:00pm - Put load in the washer and go pick up mimi

LOL okay fine this makes it look intense which it isn't at all what so ever but it explains why I am always looking at the time.

:) Anyways let me STOP wasting time and get to work. I'm procrastinating

Mirror Mirror

*This is by no means my writing* I found it on PrettyThin.Com
by Zoodle

Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the fairest of them all?
I don't see me in your reflection
I see someone beautiful without imperfection.
 
I see a girl. She's dainty and thin.
Her hair brushes against soft skin.
With dark eyes that reflect the moonlight.
Such gentle features they sink into the night.

Mirror mirror on the wall
Why am I not there at all?
I see beauty infront of me.
I'm sure that that's not what you see.
 
You see no one. A nobody.
A thin girl in a fat body.
I want to become the real me
Work long and hard just so you'll see.
 
Mirror mirror on the wall
Am I the fairest of them all?
No. Not now but i'll aim to be
And when I become it then you'll all see.

I want a perfect body...getting back into the swing of things